More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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