She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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