i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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