my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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