Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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