Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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