She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize