ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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