I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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