I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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