it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize