you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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