jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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