literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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