I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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