I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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