Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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