It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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