What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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