fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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