i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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