so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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