I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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