i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize