if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize