its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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