i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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