Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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