I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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