Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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