he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize