WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize