Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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