Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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