No stitches, just platelets and will power
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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