I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize