this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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