dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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