If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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