I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize