i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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