I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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