My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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