dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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