You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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