Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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