When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize