I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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