all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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