It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize